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Britney flips the bird

Posted on: 09/03/2007
In: Celebrities, Rants

I’m off for the day cause it’s labor day here in the USA, so no pretty pics or glossy videos.. instead check this out.. many of you don’t know me, but when I’m not here plugging the latest and greatest hot erotic nude sites I hang out with some porn producers since I know so many. Well your’s truly got his dick in a scene and I wanted to post the video here, but the motherfuckers told me I couldn’t until they produced the new site and then sold some DVD’s first so they can claim it’s “exclusive”. Motherfuckers!! I volunteer my dick to be sucked, and the stingy bastards won’t let me show anyone my great work.. oh well.

No porn today from me, but here’s what I jerked off to all week, and as usuall I’m not going to post something I didn’t try first, and this is best of breed if you want tons of DVD’s downloadable and crystal clear:

1000’s of XXX DVD’s with 10 free minutes
Plus a BJ from Paris Hilton ;)

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (57 votes, average: 6.32 out of 10)
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Vote for your PORN!

Posted on: 10/18/2006
In: Rants, Vote

ok, I’ve been posting porn every weekday for about 3 years now, and The Chef thinks it’s time to get some feedback. After several hours of programming hell trying to get the poll feature to work… it does, so does the post rating.

You just don’t realize what a pain in the ass it can be to run a site like this. Every little change has to be beta tested and cross checked over several different computers (Macs and PC’s), different web browsers (Internet Exploder, Nutscrape, Fireturd, AOHell, etc..) so it takes hours and hours of trying to integrate something a zit faced geek wrote and make it work on this site. The only good things about those geeks is that they are stupid and write programs for free in the interest of “open source” and all that computer hippie shit, and then scum like me come along use their software for the sole greedy purpose of expanding my porn empire and my bank accounts. The new features you see today, the post rating and the poll below are the perfect examples of this. Fuck this whole site is based on “Wordpress”, free open source software a whole community of computer hippies wrote. SUCKERS!! Now I’ll probably get hacked for posting this, but fuck em all.

Anyways, after that long rant about computer hippies and me being a total douchebag, the point of the post is I want to know what kind of porn you want more of here. I’m flying blind and posting pics and videos that I like, but it’s all starting to melt together on me, and it’s getting repetitive so I’m thinking of a total change, help me make a decision and vote below!

What Kind of Porn do you want to see on Ebaked?

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (23 votes, average: 7.65 out of 10)
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Jack Nicholson Anal fun!

Posted on: 10/13/2006
In: Rants
jack nicholson ass

Story from the National Enquirer:

Jack Nicholson was at LA’s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center to get a salivary gland problem checked out, waiting patiently in an examining room until two men in medical garb and surgical masks walked in and brusquely informed him they were interns sent to perform his “initial workup.” While one picked up Jack’s chart and studied it, the other snapped on a rubber glove, brandished a tube of lubricant – and told the superstar, “Roll over, please, sir…we’ll be doing a rectal exam.” Turning pale, Jack immediately launched into non-stop protest, questioning the outrageous “overkill” of a radical probe for a problem at his opposite end…and was stunned speechless when the “interns” suddenly erupted in hysterical, howling laughter! Ripping off their masks, jokers Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio – costars of Jack’s new flick, “The Departed” – giggled helplessly as Matt gasped at gob-smacked Jack: “Dude…just the look on your face was worth all the planning!”

Who woulda thought that Matt Damon and Leo would be capable of a pratical joke that involves sticking their fingers into another man’s ass? And is it just me or are you also a little dissapointed that the end of the story didn’t read “Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio were both admitted to the hospital minutes later for emergency anal reconstructive surgery after Jack Nicholson reportedly knocked their teeth out with the butt of his 45 caliber handgun and then lodged one of his shoes in each of the young actors’ rectums causing massive internal injuries… Leo reportedly had a boner when admitted.”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (7 votes, average: 4.86 out of 10)
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Dear Chef

Posted on: 10/12/2006
In: Rants

Hey all, I moved the contact link to the upper right menu so you can all send me hate mail, comments and suggestions easier. Thank Dean for pointing out the buried link!

Hey Chef, love your site, you post some good fucking porn, but what the fuck is up with all the writing for the past couple days, I cum here to jerk off and you posted some bullshit about political stuff. Shut the fuck up and post more porn. By the way move your contact link to a place people can find it moron.


Well Dean, I am getting a bit antsy just posting porn, I have alot of things to say and I figured I’d subject you all to my idiotic rantings and what not. I will still post porn every day, but I am going to try and vent daily as well. if you don’t like my rantings you can grab a hockey stick and shove it up your ass and let me know when you find the cockring your boyfriend lost in there the other day. Oh, thanx for pointing out the contact link needed to be moved, you rock!


1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 6 out of 10)
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Mark Foley vs North Korea

Posted on: 10/10/2006
In: Chef's News, Chef's Humor, Rants, Vote

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you have been slammed over and over by the media about the story of Congressman Foley hot instant messges with the 16 year old congressional pages. It got so much attention it was STILL the leading story ever half hour on FOX, CNN, and MSNBC even the day after North Korea let off a fucking nuclear bomb. What the fuck does this say about what your average TV viewing slob thinks according to the media? We care more about about some purve pedoass homo than North Korea dropping nuclear bombs? You better fucking believe it!

Mark Foley, the guy who helped write the laws against soliciting minors online for sex, is going to be one of the first to be prosecuted under it. Talk about ironic justice. Now people are acting shocked that some Republicans were protecting Foley, and of course Democrats are running around with their political boners in hand screaming for blood, and blood they shall get this November.. Republicans, corrupt, rotten to the core and in power and Democrats, corrupt, rotten to the core and craving the power. There’s no fucking difference between the two.

Then there’s North Korea. Democrats seeing another opportunity to blast Bush and the Republican for not “Being tough” on North Korea for 6 years, the same Democrats who cried like bitches that Bush was an out of control “cowboy” for being too tough and quick on the trigger with Iraq. How soon the Democrats forget Clinton was the one who gave them hundreds of millions in aid and light water nuclear power plants during the mid 1990’s last time N Korea threatened nuclear proliferation! All N. Korea did with the money was buy more parts to quickly use the nuclear technology Clinton gave em to make weapon grade nuclear material. Bunch of ass clowns.

I always thought the U.S. was so big and powerful that we could just tap the CIA and they would do some crazy super secret mission with a group of like 5 elite operatives and sneak in and kidnap, kill, brainwash any political target in the world. If that were true we would have read about Saddam dying from rare disease, Hezbolah, Hammas and Al-Queda all catching AIDS from eachother and tommorow news would read “North Korean leader Kim Jong-il, and Iran’s President Ahmadinejad found dead in a hotel room amongst an orgy of sex toys, and porn.. 16 year old congressional page found at the bottom of the pile, Mark Foley seen fleeing the scene.” - we could only be so lucky.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (8 votes, average: 7.25 out of 10)
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