Ok so me and my girl got all dressed up and hit the big fancy movie theater where you blow $18 a seat to sit in the VIP section of the theater in the balcony on love seats and shit, me with a giant boner to see Scorsese’s latest and greatest flick The Departed. After 2 hours and 35 minutes I was so fucking dissapointed I blew $36 on the tickets, another $10 on valet parking, and $50 on the dinner, I didn’t even want to get my obligatory “You just blew $100 on our date here’s some sex” fuck session with the girl.

This movie was just another cookie cutter go no where movie, all hype no cock movie. The whole time I’m watching it I couldn’t tell one bit that Scorsese had anything to do with the movie, there was none of his shooting style in the flick at all, there were no shocking plot twists, the dialogue was crap, the writing boring, and worst of all the fake Boston accents on all the shmucks in the movie. Can you imagine having to listen to Matt Damon or Martin Sheen fake a really bad Boston accent for 2 hours? No? Go ask your grampa to tell another Korean War story but ask him to tell it in his best Fran Dresher voice, then after he starts jam an ice pick in one of your ears, then you might get an idea. Jack Nicholson with a Bostonian accent.. WTF was that Scorsese fucktard thinking?? And the last scene when he closes the movie on the shot of the rat.. jesus talk about being subtle and using metaphors.. asshole.

Then I rush home to see how bad the reviews are, and to my shock they are all raving “Oscar contender” and people leaving reviews like “Better than Goodfellas”, “Movie of the Year”.. jesus tap dancing christ am I that far out of mainstream America?? Fuck all of you for liking this movie… fuck you all in the ear with a Dirk Diggler donkey dick motherfuckers..

(5 votes, average: 5.6 out of 10)

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