Story from the National Enquirer:

Jack Nicholson was at LA’s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center to get a salivary gland problem checked out, waiting patiently in an examining room until two men in medical garb and surgical masks walked in and brusquely informed him they were interns sent to perform his “initial workup.” While one picked up Jack’s chart and studied it, the other snapped on a rubber glove, brandished a tube of lubricant – and told the superstar, “Roll over, please, sir…we’ll be doing a rectal exam.” Turning pale, Jack immediately launched into non-stop protest, questioning the outrageous “overkill” of a radical probe for a problem at his opposite end…and was stunned speechless when the “interns” suddenly erupted in hysterical, howling laughter! Ripping off their masks, jokers Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio – costars of Jack’s new flick, “The Departed” – giggled helplessly as Matt gasped at gob-smacked Jack: “Dude…just the look on your face was worth all the planning!”

Who woulda thought that Matt Damon and Leo would be capable of a pratical joke that involves sticking their fingers into another man’s ass? And is it just me or are you also a little dissapointed that the end of the story didn’t read “Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio were both admitted to the hospital minutes later for emergency anal reconstructive surgery after Jack Nicholson reportedly knocked their teeth out with the butt of his 45 caliber handgun and then lodged one of his shoes in each of the young actors’ rectums causing massive internal injuries… Leo reportedly had a boner when admitted.”

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