An ode to your mother on this holiest of all days to be a “Momma”:
When she hauls butt she has to make two trips.
When she dances she makes the band skip.
When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave your momma 13 years to live.
She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Her butt has its own congressman.
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw your momma peanuts.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Her driver’s license says “Picture continued on other side.”
The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
“Place Your Ad Here” is printed on each of your momma’s butt cheeks.
All the restaurants in town have signs that say: “Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Your Momma”
When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
(5 votes, average: 5.8 out of 10)
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